Sydney

I’m currently sitting at my favorite coffee shop in my hometown of Tucson, Arizona. My iced coffee sits in front of me as I take in the Arizona sun and the view of the Catalina mountains towering over me. Familiar faces pass by as I reflect on the memories I have in this city. Since moving here when I was seven, Tucson has shaped me in countless ways. From experiencing the birth of my brothers and the loss of my father in this city to meeting my lifelong best friends and graduating from high school, this place has seen me through some of my best and worst times. In my eyes, Tucson is synonymous with family, home and comfort.

So why am I leaving? That’s a question I’ve been asked time and time again -- as I moved away to college in Texas, as I studied abroad in Spain, and now, as I prepare to study at the University of Sydney in New South Wales, Australia. It’s also a question I haven’t truly considered until writing this. 

Considering that I was (and still am) the kid that asked for books for her birthday and I spend hours of time (and too much of my money) in bookshops, the bookworm in me is itching to share this quote by St. Augustine as an explanation. 

“The world is a book, and those who don’t travel read only one page.”

Although it's a quote I would have most likely reblogged on Tumblr in the sixth grade, it’s still one I hold dear as I discover more about the world and myself. 

As I’ve traveled both alone and with others, within the United States and beyond, I’ve read (and written) pages in the book of who I am. I’ve learned about what makes me me by removing myself from all the people and things I thought defined me. Without the comfort of being in the town I grew up in or around the people who have known me for years, I’ve been forced (in the best, most terrifying ways) to discover who I am all over again. In the midst of this self-discovery, I’ve grown, changed and transformed. And, as cliché as it seems, while “reading” the book of who I am, I’ve also become the author. 

Travel has been the catalyst to my growth. Travel has shown me that I can write the pages of my own life. Travel has taught me that the mountaintops and the valleys of life don’t have to define me. I can be the author of my own book.

Ultimately, that’s my verbose, long-winded answer to why I’m leaving a place I love -- to continue writing my story and to keep uncovering the pages that are already there. 

Sydney, I can’t wait to discover the chapter of life you bring.

On my flight back to Australia I created a list in my phone notes titled “upon return” that listed all the things I had to do, “upon return” - as is self-explanatory. Now I am home starting to tick things off my list like Christmas shopping, bonding with my family, etc. I am getting my spring classes in order and I am feeling relaxed as opposed to the feeling I have of constantly being on my feet when I am traveling or living abroad. As I settle into being home, I can not help but feel a strange way. I always feel weird after traveling somewhere long term and going back “home.” Maybe this is because I do not know what “home” really means anymore. I feel a lot of places can feel like home as well as people. Sometimes I have felt more at home with a group of strangers I’ve only known for a few weeks compared to a group of friends from my hometown that I have known since childhood. I have felt more at home in some places the second I am in them as opposed to my hometown as well. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but sometimes I just go to a place and everything feels right there. I think studying abroad in Australia was an experience that tied a lot of ideas about what constitutes home together for me. A lot of the friends I made there I feel will be the kind of people I know for a lifetime. Even the first day I was home, I facetimed my best friend I made in Australia and I have a feeling we will continue to talk often. Social media really helps these days because everyone is able to watch each other's life play out from afar in a way. I think social media is actually what made leaving friends I have made abroad in Australia so easy. It is also what made leaving home so easy initially. When I came home I sat down at my kitchen table with my family and we all looked at the pictures from my time abroad from my Instagram. 

Once someone drew me a “travel mood chart.” It showed a line graph with time on the x-axis and mood on the y-axis. It is a chart made to show general stages of travel moods that people go through before, during and after travel experiences. I can not say anything honestly factually backs this chart up other than a lot of people relating to it, especially myself. The chart shows the initial excitement of traveling to a new place and energy and emotions high. The post-travel part (the return home) is the piece I always relate to after travel or living abroad. It shows a sort of “post-travel depression” and I would not go as far as to say that I am actually depressed after leaving a place, but it definitely feels like I’m missing a piece of something I’ve learned to love. It feels like I’ve returned to a sort of ordinary world that makes me question how ordinary I really want to be. It makes me think that what I feel most after coming home from travel is that I want to go back and do it again, and again, and again.