Three years ago, I would’ve never imagined I was in the place I am now. I never would have thought that I would have lived through a pandemic (still ongoing) and through truly unprecedented times, moved home, went to online school for a year, cried, laughed, met some of my best friends who I know I will have for life, or experienced some of my highest highs and lowest lows. I lost a family member suddenly, I lost some people who I thought were friends, I lost myself for a little bit.
Yet here I am.
I graduate this year. And it still feels like this is 2018 and it’s my first year of college.
But it’s not.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. And I can’t help but feel waves of nostalgia, for the people I’ve met along the way, the experiences I’ve had, the support I’ve gotten. The person I’ve left behind each year. I decided to take my senior year abroad and away for two semesters, the fall in London, and the spring in Los Angeles. I wasn’t planning to spend my last year away from my home campus in San Antonio, but plans changed, and I knew in my heart that this was the right decision for me. I had questioning from family and friends, was I positive that I wanted to do this?
I was absolutely sure.
I’ve always been someone who has made it my life’s mission to have total control over what path I wanted to take in my life, so sure about my career, my school, the “plan” I created in my mind. I always wanted something set in stone. People asked me what I wanted to do, I said “acting” with no hesitation. It was a foundation I was standing on. And then the foundation started to crack. And I wasn’t sure if it was something I wanted to do anymore. There was so much uncertainty. Did I really want to be chasing a job forever? Or should I find something more comfortable?
What a lot of people don’t realize, is that your comfort zone, is in fact, a very comfortable place to be. As I sit on my bedroom floor, packing my life away for the next four months in London, I feel those similar pangs of excitement that I felt before my first year of college. It’s uncharted territory. Nothing is familiar.
But I have small, teeny tiny pangs of nervousness. What if I can’t adjust? What if I like being comfortable? What if I miss my mundane routine?
In one of my last sessions with my therapist before I left, I cried about how I felt very nostalgic. About everything. My path here has been so linear. And I have gotten comfortable, and it’s hard to let go of. She told me to put those memories in a box and enjoy every moment in the present. Because tomorrow is not promised. And how could I look forward if I kept looking back in the past? This simply isn’t my designated path anymore.
I definitely do not have all the answers right now. There are a lot of times when and where I do not have any control. But I can march ahead on this path to London…let go of the past and enjoy every moment.
And that’s what I’ll be comfortable doing.
(And here’s to doing just that…wherever you are.)
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<p>Hi! My name is Grayson Ruiz, I'm from Austin, Texas and I currently am a senior Communications and Theatre double major at Trinity University. I'm interested in all things theatre, film production/editing, television, art, and fashion. I love thrifting and exploring new coffee shops wherever I am. I also love shooting 35mm film photography. I'm so excited to explore my abroad journey with you and hope you love seeing and reading about what I have to share! Cheers! 🥂</p>