Socio-Economic Imposter Syndrome

I’ve unexpectedly felt a lot of imposter syndrome while being in Milan. Imposter syndrome is something that I am honestly very familiar with, as I experienced it a lot during my freshmen year of college because I am a first generation college student. I also felt it a lot this past summer, when I was doing my first professional internship. But here, in Milan, I did not expect to feel imposter syndrome and yet, I do. 

You can see money in this city. You can see it when walking past beautiful historic buildings, luxury stores, and especially in the way that people dress and present themselves. Of course I knew that Milan has a lot of luxury shopping and that fashion is emphasized here, but I did not realize how left out of that I would feel. 

While I’m here, I’m studying fashion. At my home school in Minnesota, I study Sociology/Anthropology and Political Science. All I know about fashion is that I enjoy it, and it varies across cultures. I experienced this cultural variation of fashion two summers ago when I spent a month in Turkey doing archaeology. The small town I lived in for a month in southern Turkey was filled with people wearing the most beautiful patterns, long skirts, unique jewelry, and colorful outfits. I loved it and I loved getting to dress like that and blend in. Here, in Milan, there is a culture of blending in as well. I’ve noticed that chic and business casual is the everyday style here, along with wearing neutrals colors and really nice shoes. Strangely enough, that has made me feel so out of place. 

My imposter syndrome also stems from some of the interactions I have had with other Americans while in Milan. There is a pressure to travel every weekend, and a lot of people I’ve met do exactly that. That is not my reality. I don’t have the means to travel to a new country every weekend, and I did not expect so many people to have the means to do so and be so judgey when they find out that I am not doing the same. I know how to ball on a budget. I’m good at it because I’ve always done it. My clothes are thrifted or clearance, the trips I do take here are small and affordable, and you will never see me with a designer bag. These are all things about myself that, before coming here, I didn’t care about. I am proud to buy something on sale. But here, I’ve found myself wondering if I should tell people that my coat is thrifted after they compliment or if that is information I should keep to myself. 

I don’t feel like I look the part when I walk the streets of Milan. I have reflected a lot on this imposter syndrome that I feel on a socio-economic level and I am trying to kick it to the curb. The fashion I observed in southern Turkey was just so beautiful to me and I enjoy that style so much, and I assumed that love would carry over to Milan as well. I can point out all of the clothing and jewelry in my closet that I bought while in Turkey, and I see parts of that trip in the way that I present myself today. I know the same will be true about Milan, as I have already done some damage shopping here. I love that experiencing other cultures and fashion can have a permanent impact on who you are and the fashion you enjoy. 

I don’t know if this socio-economic imposter syndrome will go away while I’m here. I have never previously felt insecure about my financial stance, but I have also never felt so judged (though I will say there have only been a few people who have openly judged my financial situation) for my financial situation either. 

If you’re thinking of studying abroad in Milan, don’t let this discourage you. This is just one aspect of culture shock that I have experienced that I did not anticipate. I’m feeling the need to end this on a high note or some sort of lesson I’ve learned, as I don’t want this to come off as depressing or have someone reading this feel bad for me. However, I don’t know that it’s necessary for this to end positively or with some perspective shifting lesson. I am navigating a culture of luxury as someone who has never experienced luxury like this before, and I am learning a lot about myself and Milan and even the American students around me as I do so. I guess that is the lesson. I will continue to learn as I continue to navigate this new culture.