Amsterdam

It doesn’t feel real. 

That is now my go-to response when people ask me if I’m excited to study abroad. And it’s true, it doesn’t feel real. It still feels like a someday; a distant dream that is yet to be realized far off in the future. But someday is now less than two weeks away(!) I’m going to Amsterdam. It’s really happening!!

I have always struggled in situations like this. Anytime a momentous event is looming on the horizon my brain refuses to acknowledge it and instead of the usual more appropriate responses of excitement, nervousness and fear, I feel cool and calm and very matter of fact about the whole affair.  That is, of course, until one fine day when I will be in-line at a coffee shop or gazing lazily at a sunset when it hits me like a ton of bricks. And then the panic will ensue. 

Two and a half years ago I flew across the world to start my freshman year at a college I had never toured, in a country I had never been to and where I didn’t know a single soul. The weeks and days leading up to my big move I was very nonchalant, quite like the way I feel now. And then, the moment my plane touched down at JFK my first reaction was what have I done??? In the months and years since, I have come to call the US and my college, a home, my friends here are now family. And while the transition and road to get here was filled with anxiety and many many tears, it was worth it. It has been the best two years of my life. 

And so, at least partially, I must come clean and admit that my refusal to believe that Amsterdam is real is because I am terrified at the thought of having to start over from scratch again. New country, new friends, new life. The comfort of the familiar is tempting. But while I love Lafayette and the life I have built for myself in this country, my desire to experience the world and meet myself in different countries is much greater. When I left Sri Lanka, I could have never predicted the experiences I would come to have in the US and the person I would grow to be. For the next few months the possibilites are endless for me. 

I debated making a bucket list of things I wanted to do/see/experience in Europe but decided instead that it would be more meaningful to write down the things that I want to be reminded of every morning when I wake up. Here it is:

1. Take it one day at a time

If there is one thing I have learned from moving across the world, it is that you will feel overwhelmed. It’s easy to get caught up in a whilrwind of missing home, figuring out your next meal and also trying to remember the names of the 100 people you just met. So breathe. Take it one day at a time. And if that’s too much, focus on getting through the next hour. The next minute. The next moment. 

2. Comparison is the thief of joy

Everyone and their mother is constantly talking about how life-changing study abroad is and as a result we have created a culture where there is such an intense pressure placed on having the time of your life. And not just having the time of your life but also sharing it on every available digital space you possibly could. And while yes! I am all for study abroad being the time of your life, please (and I mean PLEASE) remember that ‘the time of your life’ is not a cookie-cutter mold. Not just that, but also, social media only consists of the best and happiest versions of ourselves. So if you ever find yourself scrolling on Instagram, looking at how much fun someone else is having, remind yourself that it is just 1 second out of 86400 in a day.

3. Say yes

Don’t let anxiety, or fear of failure and rejection hold you back. Say yes to getting lost in unfamiliar cities, to coffee with new friends, and taking a leap of faith off the deep end when you don’t know how to swim (just so you know, I mean this VERY MUCH SO metaphorically, but you get the idea :p). Dare to adventure and be curious in the search of the unfamiliar and daunting. It is all too easy to forget that our lives and stories are made up of the individual hours and how we choose to spend them.

And thats a wrap! My ~wise words of wisdom~ to myself and anybody else that needs to hear it. If you have read this far of my ramble, I am suprised, (but also thankful!!) and just so you know,

it's finally starting to feel real. 

There I am riding my bike through Vondelpark. There’s a slight breeze that ruffles my auburn-brown hair while I glide past the trees surrounding the paved path. As I look around, I see tulips in an array of colors, small ponds with the occasional ripple, and people filling open spots with their bikes parked next to them. Some are laughing with friends, some are reading, some are simply laying back; taking in the beautiful spring day. Some of the conversations I overhear I can understand. Others speak in Dutch; and while it’s unfamiliar, it’s undeniably charming. 

Eventually, I arrive at my favorite spot where I am meeting a couple of friends to hang out and study. We all sit and laugh about our most bizarre moments of the day, we chat about things we found interesting in class earlier that morning, and we make plans for a fun weekend trip to a new country. As I sit, thousands of miles away from where I grew up, surrounded by people I’ve only known for a couple of weeks, it hits me that I’ve never felt more at home.

All of the sudden, I blink and I am sitting in front of my half-packed suitcase in Indiana. I was daydreaming again…

This has been the trend leading up to my departure. The closer it gets, the more I daydream about what it will be like. I imagine the types of people I will meet, the food I will eat, and the places I’ll see that I probably don’t even know exist at this point. While my mind races with all of this, I anticipate what I may need and fold it into my suitcase. 

Some of my packing essentials are known staples for Amsterdam. As I fantasize about walking to class through the puddles that the rainy weather brings, I tuck in my favorite raincoat and rainboots. My power adapter is also a must, as I imagine myself plugging in my laptop at a charming cafe while I finish an assignment. These packing essentials are some of the more widely-used that I’ve read. However, I also include my own personal things. 

I make room for my empty journal which I hope to fill with stories and adventures that I can read on my way back to the U.S in about 4 months. While I am sure that I will have many incredible experiences, I know that homesickness at some point will be inevitable. Therefore, I also squeeze in my favorite stuffed animal that I’ve had since I was born; just in case the distance becomes too much or some charming Dutch man breaks my heart. 

As much as I enjoy hypothesizing what my time will be like while I’m in Amsterdam, I know that it’s impossible for me to truly wrap my head around this adventure I’m about to have. While I like to think that I’ve traveled a good amount for my age, I have not yet been to Europe. In a lot of ways I don’t really know what I’m in for. That should probably scare me. In fact, one of the main questions I get when I tell people I’m leaving for Europe for the first time is, “Are you scared?” 

My honest answer is “No.”

I know that I probably should be… but I’m just so excited. I’m excited for the grand adventures of meeting a ton of new people from different cultures, going for rides in the canal, seeing the Anne Frank museum, and so much more. I’m also excited for the seemingly mundane things too though. I’m excited about becoming lost in a new city, about not being able to understand people when they speak in Dutch, about figuring out how to use Euros, about stepping into an unfamiliar apartment and sharing it with people from so many different places, and on and on.

I think, like everything in life, it’s what you make of it. So, if there were any fears that I would have about studying abroad in Amsterdam for 4 months, it would simply be that I didn't take advantage of every opportunity and embrace the unknown.

Photo credit: ericvokel.com