I knew only one thing for certain when I decided to study abroad: I needed change. I had tried a lot of things in college, but nothing I threw at the wall seemed to stick anymore. I craved the idea of turning my life on its head: dropping everything I knew at my feet and fleeing across the Atlantic. Something about the idea struck the perfect balance between exercising ultimate control of my life and relinquishing all control. It seemed to me the purest embodiment of independence. Not escape: liberation.

As difficult as it was, I’m home now. My journey back from Europe was rife with transit cancellations, delays, fun nights out and great times with friends, and it’s kind of unbelievable that a week ago I was in Europe and now I’m sitting with my family at the kitchen table. It’s nice. I am learning how to drive again, grateful for the nice weather (it was 80 degrees on Christmas in Southern California). I get to pet my cat again, and spend time with my family who I missed dearly while abroad. 

I really miss it though. 

Usually I’m very emotional on planes, but on December 23 I think I was simply too tired to be sentimental. Because of the “once in a generation” ice storms in the Northwest and Midwest, my flights back to America got switched around three times. I ended up flying into Salt Lake City and sprinting down the terminal from gate A24 to gate A6, three bags slung over my shoulders, barely making it onto my plane to San Francisco before the attendant closed the door (they upgraded me to the comfort seat which seemed like compensation for the terrible layover).

My high school graduating class voted me "Most likely to write an opera." Me? I thought when I won that title, write an opera? No way. Sure, I was a musician, but I wasn't a huge opera fan. And how could I write an opera when I didn't know anything about writing one?

It’s no secret that I love Taylor Swift. She is an amazing artist and lyricist who has inspired me since the ripe age of ten years old. In her most recent album, Midnights, one song that particularly stuck out to me, especially when listening to it while abroad, was “You’re On Your Own Kid.” I felt particularly akin to this song, as being abroad has fostered the first time I felt like a truly independent adult.

Vienna is known for its amazing art scene, cultural activities, and polite people. While this politeness can sometimes be misconstrued by visitors as unfriendliness, the people who live here know that the Viennese have a zest for life in their own way and that onlookers are just treated with cordialness. The majority of people I have met during my time abroad have been kind and helpful, but there will be the Oma who gets angry in German at you for one reason or another.

A while ago in an Italian language class before Thanksgiving break, my Italian professor spent half the class speaking about how when we get back home we’ll go through many different phases. She said that similar to when we arrived, we would experience excitement about finally being back home and then sadness about missing our lives abroad.

At the time, we all kind of laughed her lecture off not really thinking about our lives back at home. But, now I’m finally back home! I’ve been here for nearly a week already, and our professor was right — sort of. 

Living in an apartment in Rome was a challenging and rewarding experience. If you’re like me, this might be your first time living in an apartment. It was overwhelming at first trying to decipher what I needed and how to balance the responsibilities of living with roommates, as well; but, over time I learned that living independently is a rewarding experience especially when you’re doing it in a foreign country. I was lucky to live with three other great roommates who were all very communicative and responsible.

As I lay in my bed writing this, a week after I have returned home, I am finally able to reflect on what it means to be back. I needed time to myself to really digest being back in the States and try to comprehend what the last few months have been like.