Seoul, My Soul

I remember sitting in the IES Abroad orientation room, my Compose Coffee Lemon Tea condensing on the desk in front of me. There was a four-month window between when I would be home again. I knew Seoul would be my home for the next few months, yet I couldn’t quite picture myself inside it. A city I knew well enough to recognize, but not well enough to imagine living in.

Just the day before, I dropped my mom off at the airport after a week and a half of traveling through Seoul and Busan.

Just the day before, I unpacked my suitcase into an empty room that was suddenly mine.

Orientation is when I felt the weight of my decision to study abroad settle in. The dream I've had since high school used to feel like an idea that was so far away. But sitting there, surrounded by strangers, in a city I knew nothing about-- the decision felt very real. An irreversible decision that I would either be proud to have made–- or the opposite, regret–- wishing I had stayed in Boston.

What did I get myself into? A place where I had no history, no community, and no familiarity.

Would I count down the days to the end of my program eager to leave, or wish that they passed by more slowly?

It was unsettling not knowing the answer. 

During orientation, we were introduced to a cultural adjustment framework called the U-Curve. This model was meant to show us what we might feel throughout the semester.

First, the honeymoon phase–- the phase where everything seems perfect. The phase where I was excited to do everything before it was too late.

Then, the culture shock phase. This is when the ordinary becomes a reminder that this isn’t home. Homesickness creeps in, and exhaustion builds from constantly navigating a place that doesn’t quite understand you.

Third, the gradual adjustment stage. When the hardships become a little less hard and more of a learning experience.

Lastly, the adaptation phase. Self-explanatory. When daily life feels natural. When your routines form, the city feels more navigable, and you begin to fit into society rather than observe it from the outside.

I kept this framework in mind as the weeks passed. 

My first few weeks felt unreal. I spent my days exploring the city, turning every meal and study session into an opportunity for adventure.

I waited in anticipation for the culture shock to make me begin missing home, as if I was waiting for a Band-Aid to be ripped off. I was already two months into the program, and it still didn’t hit me. The excitement of being in Seoul never died-– not even for a moment.

“What do you miss most from home?”-- My friend had asked me randomly after conversing about the difficulty of our classes. The question took me back. 

I didn’t know how to answer. 

While I did think about my family, my nightly debriefs with them over WhatsApp soothed the need to be there with them. With their day being my night, and my night being their day, I filled my time with experiences I could tell them about later.

“I guess I don’t really miss home yet,” I said.

Going on four months into the program, I still woke up each morning with excitement for what my day would look like. My to-do list got longer while the number of days left in Seoul got shorter. 

I asked those around me, “Are you excited to go back home?” 

“I can’t wait to see my family.” “I can’t wait to get back to my room.” “I miss the food.”

These responses were ones I couldn’t relate to. Instead of longing for home, I realized I was building one.

I found so much comfort in my life in Seoul. I loved my routine, my classes, my friendships, my food, my adventures. 

While traveling in Busan, Jeju, and even Fukuoka (Japan), I found myself excited to get back to Seoul. Slow travel days could never compare to the breath of fresh air that being in Seoul offered. Nowhere I visited made me as happy as Seoul. 

So, when would the honeymoon phase end?

In December, my thoughts started being crowded by the idea of having to leave soon. Thinking about how much I would miss Seoul once I returned to my hometown-- where I would not be able to seek the same thrills Seoul’s corners offered me. 

I was not expecting to enjoy my study abroad experience this much. A city that I had set low expectations for before arriving. A city I would never call home– but one that has felt like it. A city that I will greatly miss.

I carry a growing hole in my heart for this past semester-– the best semester of college, and the happiest I have ever been.