The Embarrassment of Being American Abroad

During my first few days in Vienna, I’ve felt various emotions that I expected: discomfort, anxiety, joy, and frustration, to name a few. However, there is one emotion I’ve felt many times that I didn’t expect: embarrassment. Specifically, I feel embarrassed at being American and not speaking German. Perhaps some of you reading can relate to the shame one feels when going to another country and not speaking the language, and thus being forced to admit you’re a tourist. Perhaps some of you don’t understand what is shameful about it—after all, few Americans speak German, so why should I?

As soon as I realized that people were going to assume I spoke German, and thus initiate conversations with me in German, I adopted a very simple strategy: remain silent whenever possible. This has gotten me through a surprising number of situations, such as buying something at a store or dealing with someone advertising something on the street. However, it unfortunately cannot work in every situation, particularly those where a response is expected. 

For example, today I took the subway by myself for the first time. In Austria you can simply hop onto the train without scanning anything, but there are random “Kontrolles” where you must present your ticket or pass. If you don’t have one, you will be fined. I was leaving the station this morning when I saw the Kontrolle officers at the exit, so I presented my pass to the officer and waited for her to usher me through. She said something in German, which didn’t sound antagonistic but also didn’t sound like a “OK, go ahead.” I stayed silent and she continued to stare at me. Eventually she said in English, “Your ID, please.” Feeling a bit silly, I pulled it out, and she told me to go ahead.

It’s generally situations like this that force me to break my vow of silence—someone says something to me, I don’t respond, and then they repeat it in English. Perhaps a better strategy is to immediately say “Ich spreche kein Deutsch” every time I meet someone new, but something about it feels humiliating. It means admitting that I don’t even have enough knowledge of German to understand basic questions and commands, that I am yet another tourist  coming in to guzzle down Austrian culture and give back nothing in return. The goal in remaining silent is to avoid revealing this humiliating lack of knowledge. My worst nightmare is to be viewed as an interloper, as someone who does not respect the culture or customs.

One of my most uncomfortable moments in Vienna thus far has been when I was riding the subway with a large group of fellow students. My IES Abroad group has a large number of frat guys who tend to clump together and make a lot of noise. Despite our guide’s instruction to not be too loud on the subway, they were talking practically yelling throughout the entire twenty minute subway ride. Every time we pulled up to a new stop, I watched the waiting people’s faces fall as they realized they would have to tolerate this group of rowdy Americans. Everyone in the subway car was glaring at them, and all I could do was pray that no one thought we were together.

So you see, not all the stereotypes about Americans are untrue. Whenever I enter a new situation in Vienna, I worry that I am coming across like one of these unruly frat guys who has no ability to perceive non-verbal cues.

Luckily, I think I know a way to remedy my embarrassment, which is simply to learn more German. I had my first German class today, and my German-speaking friends have also taught me a lot. They enjoy feeling smart, and I enjoy feeling capable as I explore the city. I have faith that in time, I’ll be able to navigate an increasing number of conversations in German. I may never come across as a true Austrian, but I can at least show that I’m putting in effort. Despite the stereotypes about Austrians being cold, in my experience, they are actually very welcoming. The least I can do is try to learn their language.