Sonder in Spain

Never in my life have I experienced sonder quite like I have since studying abroad. According to Meriam-Webster dictionary, sonder is defined as “the awareness that other people are all having their own complex set of feelings and experiences”, just like you are. Of course, when you first read this definition, the natural reaction is 'well, of course they are. That’s how humans work.' However, when you further appreciate this concept, you realize that, yes, while this is how humans works, not very often do each of us consider how complex and intricate the lives of those we pass everyday may be. 

I don’t mean to get ultra-philosophical, but the feeling of sonder has overwhelmed me since traveling across the sea to Salamanca, Spain. I have always loved people watching, and the concept of sonder has fascinated me since I learned about it in high school and began noticing how much I consider the stories of strangers around me. Most of this, I think, can be attributed to my interest in psychology and my affinity for writing stories. Back in the states, whenever I got the chance, I would people watch, and observe the natural interactions those around me had with each other. With my mom or friends, we would make up stories about the circumstances of these strangers and laugh at the absurdity of the lives we had created for these people. But being in Salamanca makes my favorite activity of people watching a little different.

At home, I speak the language, so I am always able to understand the conversations of the strangers I cross paths with. But in Spain, life is in a completely different language. Though I am proficient in Spanish, living in Spain has shown me how different it is to be fluent in an American classroom versus within a Spanish-speaking country. Naturally, there are words that I don’t yet know, phrases that I can’t quite translate, and expressions that I haven’t learned yet. With this small–but present–barrier, my favorite activity changes shape–and gets more interesting. 

Once, in the first few weeks of study abroad, I was sitting in a café called Manolita doing homework, and across from me there was a group of three friends. This was a dynamic I recognized immediately, as one of the friends took the lead in the conversation, clearly telling a juicy story (even with a verbal language barrier, body language is universal). They were too far (and speaking way too fast) for me to understand the details of the gossip, but I felt a strange sense of comfort in witnessing a situation I have been part of too many times to count: sitting in a café, gossiping with your best friends. We were having the exact same experience, just in completely different languages. The situation may sound simple and obvious when written out on a page, but in all honestly, sitting there alone in Manolita in a new, foreign city, I felt a little more at home.

I felt a similar sense of comfort a few weeks later when walking through the streets of Salamanca. I found myself caught behind two older women, who ended up slowing my speed. Instead of cutting around them and continuing my quest, I decided to slow down with them, walking behind them and choosing to enjoy my beautiful walk to the Plaza Mayor. Thankfully, they were speaking a little slower than the teenagers in the café, so I was able to understand them much better. The first woman was asking her friend how her son was. She questioned if he had moved out yet, had a job, was still dating “that girl”. The second friend replied that no, he had not moved out nor found a job, but, yes, he still was dating “that girl”. Old women gossiping. Something we have all been privy to in our lives, whether it be our grandmothers with their best friends, overhearing them at a restaurant, or simply stumbling upon long-time friends taking their morning walk.     

Like I said, sonder has always fascinated me. I am so interested in the stories of other people that sometimes I decide to create my own for them. However, I am used to being able to understand the language and context in which these strangers exist. In Spain, and all the other countries I have traveled to where English is not the first language, this activity has morphed into something, to me, more beautiful. Studying abroad does so much for and to a person. Having this experience allows me to travel to so many new and incredible countries, to become fluent in another language, to interact with cultures completely different from mine. While studying abroad has exposed me to the many ways the United States, Spain (and Europe in general) are very different, it has also shown me the ways in which we are entirely the same. It has been so fascinating for me to see how the lives, experiences, and relationships of people in another country, speaking another language are so similar to mine. Too often in the United States there is this perception that we have the superior culture, superior language, and that every other culture is so different from us and below us. I think this is what makes studying abroad such a wonderful experience. My worldview has expanded in such an incredible way in the weeks I have been here, and I hope more students are able to have this opportunity.