Who I’ve Been, Who I’m Becoming

Hallo!

Enjoy the calm within change. Being certain that the only thing stable is movement holds a special kind of assurance. That’s the thing about studying abroad, reality is subjective to the moment you are in. It’s nice to plan things ahead and have some order, but there is an unloved amount of beauty in letting life surprise you. I’ve traveled with people I would’ve never guessed would be part of my semester. I’ve rekindled friendships from different seasons of my life, letting me connect with who I’ve been throughout the years. It’s amazing how far you can get with perseverance and kindness. 

I thought being abroad would create a new me, a version encapsulated by Europe and cheap flights. Though that might be true, it has actually allowed for me to go further within my own self; how much of who I’ve been I want to preserve and how much requires growth-witnessing the Eiffel Tower light up with a high school friend, pub crawling in London with a friend I hadn’t seen in seven years, walking through Madrid with my spiritual directress, showing Vienna to a visiting college friend… people who’ve loved me into who I am enjoying with me one of the greatest seasons of my life. Thinking about the upcoming semester gives me mixed feelings. I am excited to be home and enjoy my senior year, yet it also means entering a more commitment-filled era of my life. 

Nonetheless, that’s a thing for future me. I am obligated to consider those things, but I also have the responsibility to enjoy these moments to the fullest. The future will wait for me, the present won’t. Also, worrying is reduced to distrusting God’s ability to have a perfect plan made for you. That ain’t the mindset we are carrying with us. That’s another thing—Listen to God. I’ve noticed the essence of my relationship with Him being the same, but new communication routes have sprung. In the midst of so much traveling and fun activities, I’ve noticed silence to be where we meet the most now. 

For Lent, I realized I didn’t need to give up chocolate or social media, but seek Him in the ordinary spaces of life. I stopped listening to music on my way to school, taking in my surroundings. I’ve shared so many more smiles with strangers since. It is in the core of existence that my relationship with God has become stronger while abroad, not in the majestic. Great things have happened while I’ve been in Vienna, but it’s mostly in the glimmers of life that I’ve grown in my spiritual life. It’s been a nice surprise. 

Don’t be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions of life, nor to face the silence. It’s through those pure moments that one actually blooms. Whether it is at Cafe L’Europe overlooking Stephansplatz or in my small apartment in District Living, big questions have been formulated, and even bigger answers have been found. My advice would be to create the space for things like that to happen. Don’t refute vulnerability; it will become your closest friend. 

xoxo, Viv