I Can Stare, Too

I was raised to understand that staring is rude. In certain environments, staring can be a provocation to which an understandable response is: Do we have a problem? And while I tell people I didn’t have much to adjust to when I arrived to Seoul besides garlic bread being sweet, the staring was a persistent annoyance that I still get irritated thinking about now.

It is important to note that most of the people who stare are around 50+. Everyone isn’t going to treat you like ET, but it isn’t uncommon that you’ll have an occasional pair of eyes glued to you. If you are different, it’s likely that someone will stare. Colorful hair? Stares. Bright clothes? Stares. Foreigner on train lines 1 and 6? Stares.

By way of my every day appearance: long purple and silver braids, outfits brighter than the usual all-black public uniform, and of course, being Black, I was unfortunately getting stared at pretty regularly. Usually by older men and women on public transit and on walks through the neighborhood.

South Korea, is a homogenous country with a non-native population of less than 5%, and I came in knowing that would open me up to a multitude of less-than-savory encounters. While I dodged more serious instances of discrimination (as opposed to some people I know who were called slurs), I didn’t come out unscathed.

Here are a few of my highlights in terms of micro-aggressive experiences I’ve had:

1. Something I now refer to shorthand as “racialized-flirting”, having a man approach me by krumping and pop-locking. Yes, it looked as ridiculous as you are imagining. No, no one else was approached like that.
2. Getting whiplash in multiple cafes that switched from playing very soft R&B to trap music the moment I settled in. And listen, I love trap music! But come on.
3. Watching an elderly man almost trip and fall off the escalator leaving the train station because he was too busy glaring at me.
4. Hearing “oh, so pretty! can I touch your hair?” as the hand that wanted to touch my hair was already wrapped in my braids.

These just a few out of many. I can look back at and laugh at a lot of what I have experienced, partly because of how absurd so many of these instances were. Most of it is because I have had to navigate various forms of anti-Blackness throughout my entire life, with lots of it being much more severe than these experiences. Therefore, I let myself chuckle at the more ridiculous occurrences to remain sane.

While the staring itself can also end up being micro-aggresive, much of it could be amended if people… spoke? If people asked me the questions that were clearly on their mind instead of staring at me for the duration of my bus ride, I would be able to relax my shoulders. There is, however, no amendment to having a normal conversation with a (non-Black) person near me, and then immediately doing street dances in my direction. Seriously! Krumping while walking towards me? At 2:45 in the morning? To a pop song? That is equally disrespectful as it is hilarious.

( And I’m house dancer, not a krumper -_- ! )

I recognize, especially for when I traveled to areas of Korea that are rarely visited by foreigners, that many people are simply curious. Almost every conversation I had went where are you from, oh Chicago is so cool, are you a student, what are you studying, do you like Korea, etc. And I love every last one of these interactions! I love hearing people tell me about their hometowns (Daejeon, Gwangju, Ulsan, etc.) while I share food to try in Chicago (that isn’t deep dish pizza. We don't eat that on the regular).

Curiosity is a beautiful thing that allows us to form stronger bonds with people from cultures unfamiliar to us. Curiosity, however, does not strip me of my right to be treated like a regular human being.

Therefore, I pointed and laughed at the man who gave me a 16-count choreography because I was the only Black person at the function. I have guided a few hands back to their rightful place: away from my scalp. And of course, I stared back at every person who stared at me until their eyes got tired.

Editor's Note: We're proud to amplify unfiltered student voices through our Correspondent Program, recognizing that every study abroad adventure is unique. We know that there will always be some level of culture shock that can come with adjusting to life in a new host city; we encourage students to collaborate closely with our Center staff regarding any questions or concerns that come up abroad, as well as for support with any on-the-ground situations. Our Access & Strategic Partnerships Team is also an available resource that focuses on making study abroad inclusive for all students.